It’s been a while since my last post. I was tempted to ditch this blog entirely, but now I find myself wanting to write again and what better reason to start writing than to bake a lot of things and discuss all the things about baking that I love. I don’t know that I’ll ever make money at this either, but it’s not about the money. And I can say that now because I have an awesome spouse to support me while I figure myself out. And, I have a little time on my hands when I’m not cleaning, cooking, or trying to keep my six-year-old kindergartener out of trouble while pushing her to learn to read and write during this pandemic.
Let me back up. It’s been a crazy time in my life. My mother died unexpectedly at the end of September. I knew her health was poor, but I didn’t realize she was that close. One little infection + major dehydration = septic shock and multi-organ failure. It sucked. I’m still dealing with those strong emotions but they’re less intense as time goes by. I’ll have these moments where I’m doing great but then something will trigger a memory or something awesome (or not so awesome) will happen and I’ll want to share it with her only to remember she’s not around any more and it sends me into that deep pit of despair. It’s a dark place that I scramble to escape from because it’s messy and I hate it. It is what it is.
And if life wasn’t crazy enough, my husband and I decided it was time to leave the Colorado we loved but didn’t like any more and head to Ohio. His father and family live in Ohio and we thought it was time to make the move. I mean, the man is almost 87 and our child’s only biological grandparent left. We still have her step grandma (my step mom) thankfully, but Frank won’t be around forever. Or maybe he will. He’s stubborn and crazy and some of the things he says…
So, I quit my job of 13 years, we packed up our house, sold it to the first people who looked at it on the first day it went on the market (I’m talking only one showing which was totally crazy!) and left. The day we had to be out was the WORST day of my marriage, but we’ve both chosen to let that one go. It was so hard. If you can afford it, don’t move on your own. Don’t just hire movers and get your own rental trucks. Hire a company that can accurately estimate how much room you’ll need for all of your shit and then cart it there for you. We left so much behind. Sigh. Special shout out to our awesome neighbors who jumped in to help when it was clear we weren’t gonna make it.
Speaking of leaving, we left town on a snowy day at the end of November. We were a caravan of two – my husband driving a large rental truck with a ramp towing my car and me in the hubs pickup truck pulling a small rental trailer. I had the dog and the fish. That was not totally fun but not not fun either. (Double negative. Tsk tsk.) We sent the kiddo with her auntie on an airplane ahead of us. The thought of driving three days with a small child? No thanks. We made it in three days just in time to sign the papers on our new house. Exciting times. We had Thanksgiving at my sister-in-law’s home and we hosted Christmas brunch at our house. I even had a Christmas cookie making party with all of the girls in my family. It was great and I hope the start to an annual tradition.
Just as we started getting settled and into a rhythm with our daughter’s school routine, my husbands work from home schedule, seeing family, trying to make friends, and dealing with the unusually mild winter as it was readying for spring, Covid 19 came on in and put us all on lockdown. We had our daughter’s family birthday party at our house on March 8th, her birthday at school on 3/10 (my birthday too as a matter of fact) and by the next afternoon they’d closed down the schools in anticipation of the stay at home order. Craziness. I did make a Frozen 2 cake for her birthday to make this baking related.
I’ve baked all sorts of things. Cakes. Cookies. Bread. A nut roll. Not all of it has been great. Most things turned out. Still trying to figure out what I’m doing with my baking though quite honestly it’s just fun and takes my mind off of being stuck at home. Things work out as they should, I guess, as I’m here for my daughter who is not getting the kindergarten she deserves, but we’re doing the best we can. I know we have it good compared to others, but I still miss the way things were when I used to feel relatively safe leaving the house to buy groceries or browse the aisles at Home Goods or the local thrift store. Also I had goals that I sort of put on hold, such as writing. This blog helps with that. I just need to do it. Stop making excuses.
I decided to bake today. Peanut butter chocolate chip cookies. Those turned out great. The macarons? Not so much. Once I’m over my feelers being hurt at how crappy they came out (third time not a charm), I’ll try again. And hopefully I’ll keep writing. I do have to make a cake this week for my father in law’s birthday. That should be fun.
Love and light,